I was once the girl who sleep from midnight to noon and still feel sleepy. That's how much I love and need sleep. But, these days, I hardly sleep for more than 4 hours straight as Avalyn still wakes up once a night. I don't know what time my days exactly end, did it ever end? But, my days start at early as 5.30am and never later than 8am. I still love to sleep, perhaps even more than before, given how sleep deprived I'm now. In fact, I even can't remember when was the last time I had a good night sleep.
So, what has motherhood did to me? Turning me from a hibernating bear to a ever awake giraffe? Along with many other changes in thinking, strengths and weaknesses, motherhood has totally changed how I sleep.
1. Training to live with minimal or disrupted sleep started as early as first trimester of pregnancy. Multiple toilet trips and growing baby bump made it difficult to get into a nice sleeping position to have a good night rest.
2. They mean it when they said newborn drinks non-stop and that can be every 2 hours throughout day and night. During the first few months with newborn and breastfeeding, it was quite impossible to have a good sleep.
3. I used to be a sound sleeper but these days, any cries from the next door activate my senses and wake me up. But, that doesn't always guarantee me getting off the bed.
4. Many times, I traded sleep for extra alone time. I normally wake up 1.5 hours before the girls to prepare for the day - pump, wash up or meal prep etc
5. When I get to end my night early, I rather blog and surf than to sleep as that's the only me-time I could squeeze out.
6. Once a while, I regret falling asleep while accompanying Emma to bed. Can chores and to-dos really wait? I could do so much more if I stay up a little more!
7. When I do stay up, I regret for not sleeping early. What a struggle!
8. I long to sleep 10 hours straight!
9. Ok to be realistic, 5-6 hours of proper sleep would be awesome!
10. Fortunately, things do improve as months went by. For me, things got better after Emma slept through and I stopped pumping for her. I can't wait for Avalyn to drop her night feed! However, there are always times where the children are sick and don't sleep well. And, having 2 children means they take turns to fall sick. We just went through 2 weeks of sickness for both girls and perhaps that's why I have been so exhausted.
Welcome to motherhood! It sounds brutal, doesn't it? I had wanted to share about the goodness of motherhood, trust me, it's really an amazing journey! And, I'm really thankful to be able to go through babyhood twice. I know I will miss their tiny hands and legs, all their toothless smiles and coos, their little milestones in just few years down the road. But, my mind is really all about sleep now and I just need to get this off my chest!
It comforts me to know I'm not the only one facing some sleep deprivation problem. In fact, taking care of newborn is just one of the reason why mummies didn't sleep well. I know of many mummies who traded sleep for extra time to work on housework, relaxation, hobby or business. Even though that's not the best way, it's the one way we can buy some time, agree?
Behind all these sleep deprived mothers are juggling mothers with intense sacrificial love for the family and children. Mothers who are driven by the smiles, sweet nothings and small achievements made by their little ones. Mothers who are pushing limits, get demoralized from time to time yet not willing to give up.
No, we aren't wonder women wannabe, we are just mothers who put our family and children ahead our needs. We are just motivated mothers who strive to do the best for our family and children. We are just passionate mothers who hopes to achieve a little more than being just a mother.
Tiring, it has been. Will I do these all over again?
"To my fellow tired mummies, you are not alone! Let's press on together! Rest if you need but just keep going! I'm sure the days ahead will be even brighter"
This post is part of the ‘How Motherhood has changed me?’ Blog Train hosted by Mums & Babies. Click on the photo to read the motherhood stories shared by 41 moms from Singapore, India and USA on this blog train.
Next up we have Honey! Honey is a wife and a mom of two young boys. She is a medical doctor specialized in Family Medicine and a lifestyle blogger at www.littlemisshoney.com, an expat blog about living in Singapore with her family and the wonderful surprises of living abroad. She is born in the Philippines previously lived and studied in Saudi Arabia. She is a travel junkie, a foodie and a bookworm. Do join her adventure in Singapore by visiting her blog or following her instagram: www.instagram.com/littlemisshoney.