The story behind our rainbow baby, Avalyn

Why did this happen to me?

Was it something that I've done/eaten?

Was I too stressed up?

Why did God send you to me in the first place and take you away so quickly?

How would life be with you around?

It has been 16 months since we have lost our 2nd baby, baby M, and I still ask myself these questions from time to time. I miss her badly and Baby M will always hold a special place in my heart.

Baby M's journey

We first saw her little heart beating on the ultrasound when she was 5 weeks and 1 day old. At 10 weeks and 2 days, the doctor couldn't find her heartbeat and she was measured 9 weeks and 2 days old. I had a missed miscarriage. After a 2nd ultrasound scan, I had a dilation and curettage (D&C) on 3 Mar 2016 and a 7 days of confinement.

In between the 2 ultrasounds, I was feeling tired, unwell and had very serious backache. I didn't have any morning sickness but I felt nausea and bloated all the time. It was difficult to cope with pregnancy and then 2 years 5 months Emma as I felt like sleeping after work all time. Somehow I felt very stressed up knowing what was coming up ahead. Yet, I was very looking forward to holding her in my arms.

My dream to be a mother of 2

Many times, I rejoiced and secretly envied at friends' new bundle of joy. I wondered how great it would be for Emma to have a little brother or sister to play along. I knew that I long for another child but I'm already very thankful to have Emma in our life. Given my previous PCOS condition, having another child is surely just another dream. I wasn't pinning very high hope to conceive another baby and just entrusted God to work out if he likes to help us with another one. So, it was like a dream come true to be expecting baby M.

Lesson of Faith

But, it didn't last long. I was devastated to lose something so precious to me. It was too much for my heart to bear. I spent the next few days crying myself to sleep and reading up miscarriages. I couldn't understand.

I prayed and asked close ones to pray for us. Then, I read something that spoke to me. I was reminded that our babies don't belong to us. God is their Heavenly Father and we, parents, are just their parents on Earth. I know, it was easier said then done. But, I shouldn't be wronged to hand baby M to God as she's his child to begin with. Deep down my troubled heart, I knew he was teaching to trust him more, to seek him more fervently and be a testimony to people around me. I couldn't do anything else but to pray for strength and faith to walk it though.

God makes all things beautiful in his time

Then, I found out that I was pregnant again in Oct 2016. Praise the Lord! I did a count and it looked like I had conceived around the day, if not the same day, that Baby M was supposed to be due - 27 Sept 2016.

Indeed, God makes all things beautiful in his time - a perfect time. As I closed a despairing chapter of my life, God brought me into a fresh and hopeful new chapter. After 36 weeks and 2 days, our family welcomed our rainbow baby, Avalyn, on 17 May 2017. Having a third baby is God's grace and blessing, and we give thanks to God.

It was a relatively smooth and manageable pregnancy so we had expected things to be going really well. However, Avalyn was born smaller than expected at 2.28 kg and 45cm. I was so worried but at the same time, I learnt to trust God more to take care of this baby that he has blessed us with. At 7 weeks, we are thankful that she is growing well - weighed 3.85 kg and 52.5cm.

His plan is always greater and beautiful than ours

Everyone has a different story to tell. Don't be despair if you feel that God isn't answering to your prayers and desires. I had and have many "Dear God, are you there?" moments too. Keep your faith, seek and wait on him patiently. He's definitely on it.

God has a reason for allowing things, even bad things, to happen. We may never ever understand His wisdom but we simply have to trust His will. Psalms 37.5. God's plan for us is always greater and more beautiful than ours. He makes all things beautiful in his time. Ecclesiastes 3:11.

In the end, the only reason we can stand and smile through all problems and pain is because we know we have God on our side and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.

My prayer

Dear God,

Thank you for all the good and bad time.

Thank you for letting me be a mother of 3 in your special way. While I could only mother 2 of them, I know Baby M is in a better place with you. I praise for your marvelous work in my life and it's my blessing to be able to share my story to friends and readers of this humble blog. I pray that my sharing will touch more lives and help them to know you better.

May you continue to watch over our family and let us keep shining for you.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

Jamu Postnatal Massage by All-Ten-Tic + Giveaway

This review and giveaway post is in collaboration with All-Ten-Tic

 

Strained back and shoulders, overworked joints, expanded uterus and hip, heavy loss of blood, and intense stress and pain. Indeed, 36 weeks + 2 days of pregnancy and the "fast and furious" child birth have taken a toil on my body.

 

Thus, I appreciate having a 4-week confinement to recuperate and nurse myself back to health. During these 4 weeks, I had a confinement auntie to help me with cooking and caring of Baby Avalyn. In addition, I was also pampered with a 5 days Jamu postnatal massage by All-Ten-Tic.

 

When I was expecting Emma, I read about the benefits of postnatal massage and was convinced that it was necessary. After reading through the reviews on the forum, I went ahead to book a freelance masseur that I found online. The body massage was good but the breast massage was very painful. I thought it was normal until I experienced one painless breast massage few months later. Hence, I was pretty skeptical to engage another freelancer. So, when I heard about All-Ten-Tic, I knew I could trust them since they have been in business since 2008. 

 

About All-Ten-Tic

 

Established since 2008, All-Ten-Tic is Singapore Leading Specialist that provides Postnatal Jamu massage in the comfort of customers' home. It offers Authentic Postnatal Jamu Massage treatments, Professional Therapists and customized Premium Jamu Blend to ensure new mothers get a comprehensive post recovery.

  

Avalyn's birth story

Baby Avalyn arrived on 17 May 17!

 

35th week pregnancy update!

This pregnancy seems to fly faster than ever. I'm now 35 weeks + 3 days and might be popping anytime soon!

 

@ 32 weeks + 5 days

5 things for a Big Sibling-to-be to know before new baby arrives

The challenges that come along with becoming a big brother and sister are so real.

 

One day, Daddy and Mummy shared a big news about having a new baby in time to come. And, this brought about great excitement and fantasy to the big brother or sister-to-be. Then, the excitement gradually changed into a seemingly long period of waiting and changes. Suddenly, Mummy got rounder, tired easily, couldn't carry or run around with him or her and the list goes on. Things then got more challenging when baby arrives. Depending on the age, gender, personality and various factors surrounding the child, he or she might cope with it very differently.

 

5 things for a Big Sibling-to-be to know before new baby arrives

 

As a big sister-to-be, there are lots for Emma to learn and adapt in her new role. Thus, I've been spending more time talking to Emma about being a big sister and helping her understand what lies ahead. I doubt she can be fully prepared for the new baby at 4 years old, but I pray that she can embrace her new role with lesser difficulties by knowing and keeping these 5 things close to her heart. While these might be harder to younger children to understand, I believe the little ones will understand bits and pieces of it over time.

Preparing for baby 101

Less than 17 weeks to go and I still have 101 things to do and buy!

Over the last 23 weeks, I basically just ate and slept as much as I could, visited gynae, booked my confinement lady and met up with my insurance agent. After clocking a few short years of parenting experience, we are less anxious and much more focused. Since we either have the hand down pieces from Emma or know what to buy, there are much lesser research and shortlisting involved.

However, I still find it crucial to have a list to help me prepare for our new baby! So, here's one working list (with * being optional items and those in blue as my own pending items) to remind and spur myself (and Hubby) on! I hope it will be helpful to those preparing for their baby too.

1. Fixing gynecologist

Confirming pregnancy with a gynae visit is probably the first thing a couple do. We went back to our trusty doctor so there is no need to browse through the long forum threads to decide which hospital, gyane and package. 

21st week pregnancy update!

I can't believe that I've actually passed the halfway mark of the pregnancy. It has been 21 weeks and 2 days to be exact.

I'm glad that the first trimester morning sickness is over. The tiredness dragged few weeks into the 2nd trimester. But, I'm so thankful that things started to pick up by the 18th week, as we were just in time to pack for house moving. Now that I'm slowly regaining my energy and settled down at my in law's place, it's really time to buck up. I haven't prepare anything for baby other than making visits to the gynae and booking the confinement lady. And, I've only taken one baby bump shot at 17+ weeks. Over these 20 weeks, I have about 4 kg but my baby bump seemed so much bigger than before.

Let's look back at how my pregnancy progressed, shall we?

A younger sister for Emma!

Me: "Hui Hui, it's 妹妹."

Emma: "Yay... 我喜欢妹妹."

After much anticipation, we finally found out our baby gender last Thursday - it's a girl! Emma came along for the detailed scan and was thrilled to find out that she's going to have a younger sister. It might sound really fun to her to have a mini-her. She's already thinking of sharing her clothes and toys with her.

 

@ 17+ weeks

 

Emma's going to be a big sister!

Praise the Lord!

Emma's going to be a big sister this coming June!

I'm 14 weeks along and things are moving on pretty well. I've my fair share of morning sickness and tiredness but I'm coping with taking things slower, sleeping earlier and Daddy's help. The start of 2nd trimester has brought me bad nausea but I'm feeling slightly better these few days. I pray for more strength and start to get better physically. 

While we are all thankful and excited about having another baby, it's a totally different feeling and experience from the time we had Emma. With many upcoming changes, I'm sure it's going to be a real thrilling roller-coastering year and journey ahead! And, we just have to trust God completely and leave all things in his hands.

Do keep our family in prayers! Thank you!