The story behind our rainbow baby, Avalyn

Why did this happen to me?

Was it something that I've done/eaten?

Was I too stressed up?

Why did God send you to me in the first place and take you away so quickly?

How would life be with you around?

It has been 16 months since we have lost our 2nd baby, baby M, and I still ask myself these questions from time to time. I miss her badly and Baby M will always hold a special place in my heart.

Baby M's journey

We first saw her little heart beating on the ultrasound when she was 5 weeks and 1 day old. At 10 weeks and 2 days, the doctor couldn't find her heartbeat and she was measured 9 weeks and 2 days old. I had a missed miscarriage. After a 2nd ultrasound scan, I had a dilation and curettage (D&C) on 3 Mar 2016 and a 7 days of confinement.

In between the 2 ultrasounds, I was feeling tired, unwell and had very serious backache. I didn't have any morning sickness but I felt nausea and bloated all the time. It was difficult to cope with pregnancy and then 2 years 5 months Emma as I felt like sleeping after work all time. Somehow I felt very stressed up knowing what was coming up ahead. Yet, I was very looking forward to holding her in my arms.

My dream to be a mother of 2

Many times, I rejoiced and secretly envied at friends' new bundle of joy. I wondered how great it would be for Emma to have a little brother or sister to play along. I knew that I long for another child but I'm already very thankful to have Emma in our life. Given my previous PCOS condition, having another child is surely just another dream. I wasn't pinning very high hope to conceive another baby and just entrusted God to work out if he likes to help us with another one. So, it was like a dream come true to be expecting baby M.

Lesson of Faith

But, it didn't last long. I was devastated to lose something so precious to me. It was too much for my heart to bear. I spent the next few days crying myself to sleep and reading up miscarriages. I couldn't understand.

I prayed and asked close ones to pray for us. Then, I read something that spoke to me. I was reminded that our babies don't belong to us. God is their Heavenly Father and we, parents, are just their parents on Earth. I know, it was easier said then done. But, I shouldn't be wronged to hand baby M to God as she's his child to begin with. Deep down my troubled heart, I knew he was teaching to trust him more, to seek him more fervently and be a testimony to people around me. I couldn't do anything else but to pray for strength and faith to walk it though.

God makes all things beautiful in his time

Then, I found out that I was pregnant again in Oct 2016. Praise the Lord! I did a count and it looked like I had conceived around the day, if not the same day, that Baby M was supposed to be due - 27 Sept 2016.

Indeed, God makes all things beautiful in his time - a perfect time. As I closed a despairing chapter of my life, God brought me into a fresh and hopeful new chapter. After 36 weeks and 2 days, our family welcomed our rainbow baby, Avalyn, on 17 May 2017. Having a third baby is God's grace and blessing, and we give thanks to God.

It was a relatively smooth and manageable pregnancy so we had expected things to be going really well. However, Avalyn was born smaller than expected at 2.28 kg and 45cm. I was so worried but at the same time, I learnt to trust God more to take care of this baby that he has blessed us with. At 7 weeks, we are thankful that she is growing well - weighed 3.85 kg and 52.5cm.

His plan is always greater and beautiful than ours

Everyone has a different story to tell. Don't be despair if you feel that God isn't answering to your prayers and desires. I had and have many "Dear God, are you there?" moments too. Keep your faith, seek and wait on him patiently. He's definitely on it.

God has a reason for allowing things, even bad things, to happen. We may never ever understand His wisdom but we simply have to trust His will. Psalms 37.5. God's plan for us is always greater and more beautiful than ours. He makes all things beautiful in his time. Ecclesiastes 3:11.

In the end, the only reason we can stand and smile through all problems and pain is because we know we have God on our side and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.

My prayer

Dear God,

Thank you for all the good and bad time.

Thank you for letting me be a mother of 3 in your special way. While I could only mother 2 of them, I know Baby M is in a better place with you. I praise for your marvelous work in my life and it's my blessing to be able to share my story to friends and readers of this humble blog. I pray that my sharing will touch more lives and help them to know you better.

May you continue to watch over our family and let us keep shining for you.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

Avalyn's birth story

Baby Avalyn arrived on 17 May 17!

 

35th week pregnancy update!

This pregnancy seems to fly faster than ever. I'm now 35 weeks + 3 days and might be popping anytime soon!

 

@ 32 weeks + 5 days

Preparing for baby 101

Less than 17 weeks to go and I still have 101 things to do and buy!

Over the last 23 weeks, I basically just ate and slept as much as I could, visited gynae, booked my confinement lady and met up with my insurance agent. After clocking a few short years of parenting experience, we are less anxious and much more focused. Since we either have the hand down pieces from Emma or know what to buy, there are much lesser research and shortlisting involved.

However, I still find it crucial to have a list to help me prepare for our new baby! So, here's one working list (with * being optional items and those in blue as my own pending items) to remind and spur myself (and Hubby) on! I hope it will be helpful to those preparing for their baby too.

1. Fixing gynecologist

Confirming pregnancy with a gynae visit is probably the first thing a couple do. We went back to our trusty doctor so there is no need to browse through the long forum threads to decide which hospital, gyane and package. 

21st week pregnancy update!

I can't believe that I've actually passed the halfway mark of the pregnancy. It has been 21 weeks and 2 days to be exact.

I'm glad that the first trimester morning sickness is over. The tiredness dragged few weeks into the 2nd trimester. But, I'm so thankful that things started to pick up by the 18th week, as we were just in time to pack for house moving. Now that I'm slowly regaining my energy and settled down at my in law's place, it's really time to buck up. I haven't prepare anything for baby other than making visits to the gynae and booking the confinement lady. And, I've only taken one baby bump shot at 17+ weeks. Over these 20 weeks, I have about 4 kg but my baby bump seemed so much bigger than before.

Let's look back at how my pregnancy progressed, shall we?

A younger sister for Emma!

Me: "Hui Hui, it's 妹妹."

Emma: "Yay... 我喜欢妹妹."

After much anticipation, we finally found out our baby gender last Thursday - it's a girl! Emma came along for the detailed scan and was thrilled to find out that she's going to have a younger sister. It might sound really fun to her to have a mini-her. She's already thinking of sharing her clothes and toys with her.

 

@ 17+ weeks

 

Emma's going to be a big sister!

Praise the Lord!

Emma's going to be a big sister this coming June!

I'm 14 weeks along and things are moving on pretty well. I've my fair share of morning sickness and tiredness but I'm coping with taking things slower, sleeping earlier and Daddy's help. The start of 2nd trimester has brought me bad nausea but I'm feeling slightly better these few days. I pray for more strength and start to get better physically. 

While we are all thankful and excited about having another baby, it's a totally different feeling and experience from the time we had Emma. With many upcoming changes, I'm sure it's going to be a real thrilling roller-coastering year and journey ahead! And, we just have to trust God completely and leave all things in his hands.

Do keep our family in prayers! Thank you!

It's God's gift :)

This post has been sitting in my draft for almost a year and I think I shouldn't wait any longer to share my journey with all. Here's why Emmalyn is a gift from God.   

***

We always believe that God has his plan and time for us to have a baby. We prayed about it through the years and waited patiently.

I started my degree programme almost 6 months after our wedding in Jul 2010 and targeted to complete my course in Jul 2013. However, we thought to leave it to God and if we have one before I graduate, we will also be ready to welcome our new addition.

In late 2010, I found out that I have a condition called PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). Such condition happens when one’s ovaries do not ovulate regularly and it makes conception more difficult. I was very worried that I would never be able to have a baby naturally but doctor has advised that since I was still young I should just try before considering other options using medications. It is the beginning to the test of our faith and I choose to believe that God will grant me one at the perfect timing according to his will.

In early 2012, I started to see a Chinese doctor who specialises in fertility. He gave acupuncture and Chinese medicines to improve fertility. He is very popular and it is always difficult to secure appointments. Hence, I stopped seeing him in Oct as school has been busy and I decided to take a break from trying to conceive.

In Dec 2012, Hubby asked our cell group to pray for our baby planning as I was to graduate in Jul 13, nothing too specific, during a sharing at church retreat. It was unexpected to hear from him but, anyway, our cell members prayed for us.

Dec was a busy month with all joyous celebrations and I didn’t notice that any symptoms of pregnancy until I felt nausea on 30 Dec. At the first moment, I thought that I didn’t sleep well the day before Dawn & Xu Wen's wedding but later on I began to feel suspicious. After countless disappointments, I didn’t dare to put my hopes high and decided to wait another day till 1 Jan to do a pregnancy test.

I tested using the pregnancy test kit secretly and saw two lines with one that was rather faded. I couldn’t believe my eyes so I decided to have another test about 30 mins later. This time round, the lines were so clear and I anxiously called for Hubby. I was in mixed feelings – happy and unexpected. It’s totally God’s gift. I conceived few days after that faithful prayer! God gives when we opened up our heart to ask him and he gives at his perfect time.

I was contemplating whether to share our little journey but I thought that the glory of God should not be hidden. This pregnancy and parenthood is not just about having another little one, but it is another journey where we experience God's love, learn to have faith in him and walk with him.

Hence so, keep the faith and ASAP - always say a prayer!

“ Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” – Matthew 7: 7-8

Emmalyn's birth story

Thomashlyn Jr #10 - 3/3 of 3rd Trimester

And so, my pregnancy journey ended after 37 weeks and 4 days.. Baby seems to know that everything is ready for her and can't wait to meet us earlier on 13 Aug 13.

Thomashlyn Jr #9 - 2/3 of 3rd Trimester

36 weeks along.. and another 4 more weeks to go! My pelvic/hip joints are aching, I guessed the uterus is expanding and getting ready for the little one to be out. Bump is getting tighter these days and I am feeling super pregnant & breathless.

36 weeks bump

Thomashlyn Jr #7 - 1/3 of 3rd Trimester

I’m one third through my third trimester and am 8 weeks away!

Gyane said that it is normal to deliver a week earlier, and that means it could be just 7 weeks away. I don’t hope that she comes out anytime earlier even though she will be full term in 5 weeks time (37 weeks). We just aren’t feeling ready. Have been thinking about birth plan lately and it is so abstract. Being the first delivery, everything seems so unpredictable. We all heard of past experiences and I thought of the worse pain but just can’t imagine how it would be. Till now, I just know that I want a healthy baby. Want a natural birth instead of a c-sec. Want a quick and smooth delivery. Praying hard everyday for God’s protection and that baby will cooperate. Still unsure about getting epidural, hoping to get away without one but I guess I’m still keeping my options open.

I started off the third trimester being more tired and feeling warmer than the second. I am also feeling queasy at some part of the day, I am guessing it is slight morning sickness as I read that morning sickness return in third trimester. I’m still visiting toilets frequently and at least once for the nights. It’s indeed part of the training to wake up in the middle of the night to prep for the real thing.

I have gained around 11kg and am stressing my legs/knees more. In addition, hands and legs also start to puff up slightly. Still fitting in my current pumps, but getting a little tight there. Unfortunately, few lines of stretch marks have invaded my bumps. I’m trying to apply more cream to avoid having more of these nasty marks. Else, I just have to graciously embrace them. Other than being uncomfortable physically, I would say that I am feeling great.

We also had a simple photoshoot with a photographer friend, Mike. Here's one of the photo that I have taken the liberty to edit. hehe.

Had our seventh appointment and she has grown from 0.9kg at Week 27 to 1.6kg at Week 30. Gynae estimated her to be 3kg at birth. With her growing at her peak, I could feel her movement more strongly. I can feel her kicking up my ribs. I had also felt some slight contractions that are all part of the body getting ready for delivery.

We signed up for baby insurance - Prufirst gift. Cleared most of the to-buy lists like cot mattress, bed pad, milk bags and nursing stuffs and are left with just a couple more to go. We also had our first aircon servicing after 2 years. We hardly on the aircon and thus neglected the servicing. However, guess it’s time to prep up the house. I have also started the washing and kept the washed loads in ziplocks.

3 more weeks away from my planned dateline (Week 35) to complete the to-dos – washing all the loads, clearing of the to-buy lists like car seat, belly binder and confinement stuff, packing of delivery bag, confirming baby names, getting in the bed for the confinement lady and prepping the house. I can't wait to complete all and welcome our new arrival after 39 weeks!

On another note, semester results were out and am thankful that my CGPA is maintaining and still within my requirement ;) Just another 1 more semester to go next year!

Thomashlyn Jr #6 - 2nd Trimester

I have just ended my 2nd trimester ;) so it’s another 13 weeks to go!

Thomashlyn Jr #5 - So, it's 6 down, and another last 1 to go

I have just submitted my last assignment for this semester and am left with another final module/semester next year! It's finally time to free up my brain and enjoy for a good 8 months before my school begins.

It has been near 3 long years since I started my degree education in Jun 10.

Thomashlyn Jr #4 - life after birth

And so, I randomly picked up this book "Life after birth" by Kate Figes. It speaks of the reality of changed life after birth. We all know that life would be different, but what are the changes?

New mothers will get a new role with many other changes in terms of faith, adjusted balance among pre-existing commitments, health, physical, psychological, financial aspects and relationship with husbands, family and friends. All these seems overwhelming.. But I guess it'll be different for everyone as people respond in their special way - these changes could be for the better or worse. I certainly pray for the better :)

I don't how it will be like but it is good to have a glimpse of what's ahead. Even though I will never be prepared enough to handle them, I now know what to pray for and not be too overwhelmed when all come along. It's a long journey and I am very thankful for God's blessings and guidance throughout this journey thus far. <3 br="">

Thomashlyn Jr #3 - Week 20

We are expecting a baby girl :) and am already looking forward to dressing up our little one. hehe. I am happy that our baby is a girl as I'm also the elder girl in the family. However, I am totally worried that she will be a pampered daddy's girl. I can already imagine how my hubby's heart will be melted by her.  

I'm 20 weeks today and am finally half way through the pregnancy! Thomashlyn Jr has been growing well and it has been a week plus since I started to feel some little movements from her. It is nice feeling that I can’t clearly describe. It just feel like quick stomach flutters but at the lower abdominal. Once a while, she will move a little to say hello to me.

Indeed, 2^nd trimester has been much better than the 1^st. I am feeling more energetic and could sleep slightly later. My appetite has been good although I tend to feel bloated after meals. My baby bump has been growing faster than in the 1st trimester and I can’t fit in most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I have already gained about 5 kg. I am getting more breathless lately, I guess my small body doesn’t have much free space in there and lungs couldn’t expand as much.

@ week 20

Thomashlyn Jr #2 - 1st Trimester

It’s an amazing journey that I never want to forget. My first trimester ended some weeks ago and I am now into my second trimester :)

The first trimester comprises the first 13 weeks of pregnancy where the first 2 weeks before conception are taken into consideration.

Week 1 - 5

I should have conceived around early Dec after we came back from our church retreat. It also happened to be the time we brought Shiro home :) Dec was a busy and joyous month so I didn’t actually notice any changes to my body. It was till Dawn’s wedding (30 Dec) when I felt a little nausea and bloated but I thought I just didn’t sleep well. I waited till 1 Jan and did home pregnancy tests twice. Both shown positive and I was 5 weeks + along.

Thomashlyn Jr

By God’s grace! We are expecting a baby this end Aug :) It’s an amazing feeling that is so hard to describe! It has been 16 weeks along and I am feeling good so far. Other than being more tired than previous, everything is normal.

@ Week 6 Day 4